[原创]A Blossomy Tree 一棵开花的树
A Blossomy Tree
How should you meet me
At the moment I am most pretty
I have prayed God for five hundred years
Beg him to vouchsafe us a luck
Thus he turns me into a tree
To stand along the roadside
That you must pass by
In the sunlight
Blossoming with prudence
Every buds are hopes from my preexistence
When you approaching
The quivery leaves
Are the passions of my waiting
While when you going by
Without a look
All those falling over the earth
Dear, my friend
It's not petals
It's my emarcid heart.
1).In the Still of the Night
I descry bright moonlight in front of my bed.
I suspect it to be hoary frost on the floor.
I watch the bright moon, as I tilt back my head.
I yearn, while stooping, for my homeland more.
2).A Tranquil Night
Abed, I see a silver light,
I wonder if it's frost aground.
Looking up, I find the moon bright;
Bowing, in homesickness I'm drowned.
其他先不说,每句必有一个I( 徐忠杰有一行有两个!)显得很拙笨,机械,原诗的飘逸灵动全失.尤其是徐忠杰的,这又不是作数学题,你那一排I是列公式呢?另外徐的版本有词语使用的错误,STOOP是弯腰,躬背的意思,李白是那么看的吗?许的BOW也不妥当,BOW有恭谦的意味,比如饭店门口迎宾的小姐(NO PUN INTENDED).许的DESCRY只能是个笑话.DESCRY的意思是通过努力观察发现某种(不易被发现的)东西,信息.而且DESCRY太生僻,用在这里无论是意思还是意境都很不妥当.
In the Quiet Night
So bright a gleam on the foot of my bed---
Could there have been a frost already?
Lifting my head to look, I found that it was moonlight.
Sinking back again, I thought suddenly of home.
(Tr. Witter Bynner)
第一句月亮没出来,把它安排在第三句,还FOUND,显得很多余.第2句我认为翻译的很贴切,有种淡淡的惊讶( MILDLY STARTLED ),而且把"霜"写的很真实,衬托出了"疑似".最后一句与原诗差异较大,李白应该是没躺回去.另外SUDDENLY感觉有些ABRUPT.思乡之情我感觉应该是像月光一样缓缓在夜色下流淌的.
I wake, and moonbeams play around my bed,
Glittering like hoar-frost to my wandering eyes;
Up towards the glorious moon I raise my head,
Then lay me down---and thoughts of home arise.
( Tr. Herbert A. Giles)
有关题目的翻译,这是第一个出来"思"(THOUGHT)的.但综观全诗,重点是对月光的描写,而非直接描写思想活动,所以翻成NIGHT THOUGHTS感觉有些太直白,而且没有把握住本诗重在"静夜",和不是"思",思乡之情全因月色而起.用ON A TRANQUIL NIGHT之类的点到为止就很好了.第一句的"play around"大杀风景,把原诗恬淡,静谧的气氛彻底搅乱. " wandering eyes"也与意境不符,作者应该是若有所思地专注的看着"地上霜",而不是WANDERING. 最后的LAY ME DOWN也是原文里没有提到的.( HE MUST BE OBSESSED WITH GETTING LAID )
The Moon Shines Everywhere
Seeing the moon before my couch so bright
I thought hoar frost had fallen from the night.
On her clear face I gaze with lifted eyes:
Then hide them full of Youth's sweet memories.
(Tr. W.J.B. Fletcher)
题目就不说了,TOO FAR-FETCHED:/ 前三句可以说是翻得很好(除了那个HER的指代不是很清楚外),但是第4句MAKES THE WHOLE POEM FALL ON ITS FACE.
Thoughts in a Tranquil Night
Athwart the bed
I watch the moonbeams cast a trail
So bright, so cold, so frail,
That for a space it gleams
Like hoar-frost on the margin of my dreams.
I raise my head, -
The splendid moon I see:
Then droop my head,
And sink to dreams of thee -
My father land , of thee!
译者LET HIS PASSION GET THE BETTER OF HIM.把幽雅,深沉的一首CAMEO小诗变成了拖沓的感情爆发(OUTBURST)(My father land , of thee!) STILL WORTH A GOOD LAUGH!
Bright moonlight over my bed
white as if frost were on the floor.
Upon the fairy moon I beheld
before thought of home lowered my head.
Listen to a song
that puts tears
back in your eyes
as you sing along;
Knock back the wine
that swirls your head
as you glide down
the slide of night.
Destroy this world
lay waste to Arcadia
dismember dead hopes,
stinking fallen birds;
Flush down inner peace
mangle the web of order,
surrender to raging chaos
this anarchy of universe;
Don't flee like a guest
stay and see me bleed,
stay and hold me close,
stay as if you never left.
[原创]She Is Leaving
Could it all be a mistake
and the good time is only a crossing
of our separate fates?
For the sweet memories' sake
I cherish the other possibilty-
Or is it too late?
There is no use to persuade
myself that you are a dear friend-
my eyes can't fake.
The pain is too much to take
yet I keep piling on more of it
for my heart to taste,
In the hope that it'll wake
from love's rosy bed of death
which you for me had made.
I've been through that date
of our parting hundreds of times
to make sure all will be OK
When it does come to claim
you from my desperate clutching
under a strained face.
When the train takes you away
I hope you could hear in your heart
what I failed to say.
[原创]Rantings now I feel bad
Today is one of those days when the emptiness of life bears down on me with all its forlorn might, as if the whole of the world has started caving in, in whose heaping ruins I scramble in vain for a way out. The light at the end of the tunnel flickers like a candle at the mercy of a relentless storm, at each moment its fire may be devoured by the raging darkness, as if no light had been held against this reign of horror.
The fading breath of hope clings on the iron-hard wall of void that threatens to crumble at the slightest touch, and bury all despair, despondency, exaltation and enthusiasm in a flash of total collapse that brings down the rosy curtains of life and exposes my weary heart on the barren moor of groyesque layout.
Where is the hiding place of the guiding light. Is it now trembling in the icy cavern under blustering northern winds? Or writhing in the acrid sands sizzling in the torrid sun? Where is the oasis that doesn't turn out to be a teasing mirage, that offers in abundance luscious fruits to quench the burning thirst cutting my throat? When will the sun rise to dispel darkness like a half-lucid nightmare evaporating into the exuberance of morning light?
Trudging alone in the labyrinth of life, besieged by shadowy ghosts of intangible fears, I carry the torch-light of the belief, amid the constant surgings of overpowering doubt,that I am equal to all the obstacles life has entrenched ahead of me, with the strength that originates within, whose exertion can smash every last piece of tormenting confusion. With each step made forward, however, this belief wavers in the face of accumulating evidence to the opposite.Is now the time to call it a day and relinquish the will to hold on? There's nothing I can fall back on if I let it go, there seemed to be nothing that I will reach if I persist.
So what is the answer in between? Or does it lie else where?